[A bar in Monte Carlo. Many well-to-do businessmen and women populate an opulent hotel bar adorned with paintings and golden statues.]
Bond: Vodka Martini, shaken, not stirred.
Barman: Very well, sir.
[Bond shoots a discreet glance to his left and spots his mark at the opposite end of the bar, surrounded by attractive, scantily clad ladies. The man gets up to leave as the barman returns with Bond’s drink.]
Barman: Will that be all, sir?
Bond: For now. [Downs drink] Excuse me. I’ve got time to kill.
[The barman nods approvingly as Bond follows his mark to the lift at the lobby of the hotel. Bond and the mark enter the lift, alone. They ride in silence until the lift emits a soft tone as it reaches the seventh floor. The man exits, as does Bond, following him down a seemingly endless corridor roughly ten paces behind, covertly undoing his gun holster. As the man enters his room, Bond begins to sprint towards the door and in one swift motion, kicks it open and pushes the man to the floor, pulling out his gun as he kicks the door shut behind him.]
Bond: Mark Lomax?
Lomax: [Stunned] Yes. Who the hell are you? What do you want?
Bond: That’s not your worry. [Bond squeezes the trigger of his silenced Walther PPK, the bullet cleanly penetrating Lomax’s forehead and exiting in a spray of red on the brilliant white carpet.]
[Bond calmly walks to the man’s corpse, crouches over it and reaches into the inside pocket of a clearly expensive Hugo Boss suit. He pulls out Lomax’s wallet and opens it to reveal a small piece of card. Bond takes the card and notes it is inscribed with the numbers 761923. Bond slips the card into his tuxedo inner pocket and exits the room, placing a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the door’s gleaming gold handle. He then makes his way downstairs and reclaims his former spot at the bar.]
Barman: Hello again sir. Back so soon?
Bond: I just had to shoot upstairs.
Barman: The same again, sir?
Bond: Yes, thank you.
[As the barman strides away purposefully to prepare Bond’s drink, a staggeringly attractive woman approaches Bond from his right. She is dressed in an impeccably well-fitting white dress, tanned and sporting bobbed, dyed bright red hair. Bond can see her reflection in the mirror, but doesn’t allow his glance to linger and looks away, staring at the spot in front of him.]
Woman: [Perching on the stool next to Bond] All alone?
[At this stage, Bond begins to blush uncontrollably and, smiling nervously, just barely manages to turn in the woman’s direction, making cursory eye contact.]
Bond: Sorry?
Woman: A handsome man like you all alone? We’ll have to do something about this, won’t we?
[Despite the totally disarming effect the woman’s confidence has on him, Bond manages to maintain eye contact with her long enough to drink in her beautiful, expansive pale blue eyes. Causing him to blush even harder.]
Bond: [Now laughing nervously] Oh… um… right. I see. Haha.
Woman: My name is Selina Black. [She hands Bond a card] Here is my room number. Come and see me in fifteen minutes. I think you need a little… ‘release’.
[Bond reaches out for the card with a trembling hand and barely manages to keep a grip on it as he places the card in his breast pocket.]
Bond: Oh… er… thank you.
[Selina smooths a manicured nail under Bond’s chin then confidently strides off to the lift. The barman returns with his drink.]
Bond: [Noting the barman’s name on a silver name tag standing out noticeably on a uniform consisting of black trousers and waistcoat with a white cotton shirt] Francois?
Francois: Yes, sir?
Bond: Um… you know that lady that was just speaking to me?
Francois: [Eyes instantly lighting up] Oh, oui monsieur. Very attractive lady. I did, yes.
Bond: Um… well [coughs] she just asked me to meet her in her room in fifteen minutes.
Francois: Oh, tres bien sir. You are very fortunate, no?
Bond: [Looking absolutely blank] What do you mean?
Francois: Well sir, I anticipate that the lady does not want you to go to her room to play Scrabble, non? [Laughs]
Bond: You mean, you think she wants to… kiss me, or something?
[Francois cackles uncontrollably until he registers Bond’s fixed blank, clueless expression. The cackle descends gradually from laughter, to a giggle, to silence, to a look of unmistakeable puzzlement.]
Bond: So what the hell am I supposed to do? Oh God. Francois, get me five more vodka Martinis. There’s no way I can go up there sober. She’s gorgeous! Oh God. Excuse me a second.
[Bond dashes across the room towards the gents’ rest rooms, tripping over a yapping chihuahua on the way and bursts into a cubicle, scarcely able to get his trousers off in time. Washing his hands afterwards in the marble sink complemented by striking gold taps, he looks into the mirror.]
Bond: Come, on 007 – you can DO this! What are you worried about? You’re an ice-cold government agent. And you’ve got a really cool watch! It opens safes and lasers things and everything!
[Bond returns to the bar, and without acknowledging Francois, he slams three of the five drinks prepared for him. He then makes his way towards the lift]
Francois: Bon voyage, monsieur!
[Bond lifts up a hand as he staggers away towards the lift. As he enters, he removes the card and notes the room number: 817. Pressing the button for the eighth floor, his nerves are now uncontrollable and his heart is beating very fast and very hard.]
Bond: [Taking deep breaths] The incey wincey spider climbed up the water spout. Down came the rain and washed the spider out. Out came the sun and dried up all the rain. And the incey wincey spider climbed up again. [Bond straightens his lapels then adjusts his silver cufflinks] Okay, I’m ready.
[The lift doors open and Bond exits, gingerly making his way to Selina’s room. He arrives and lightly knocks on the door]
To be continued!
dantandy 